i think i got everything

i wouldnt regret if i die tomorrow, i feel like i experienced enough things without that much pain. i am doing what i love to do everyday, whenever i want; i have people who i care about; i know people who i feel thankful for; i've met people who changed my life; i have lost people who i trusted; i have felt left out; i have art pieces that i love; i've done photography in a actual dark room that i always saw in the tv; i met people who knew my friends somehow; i've failed my essay; i learned what is outside of my life; i came to america living in japan; i have friends that i don't even talk to anymore; i learned new words; i learned how to hate people; i learned how to ignore people; i learned how to fight and never go back to that person; i made friends who live two hours away from me; i am able to put make up on without my mom's complain; fought with my mom; love my mom, lied, stole; i failed the permit test; i passed the permit test; i've broken all the earphones i have; i go to school where i can't be myself, but do what i like to do; fake myself, and probably more that i can't go back to, i can't regret what i did in the past. i can't even fix anything i did in the past. but i am going to feel more pain than what i experienced for sixteen years, and i am going to hate everything until my life gets settled. i wouldn't regret if i die tomorrow, because i will be in the bed crying more in the future.

but i still have a dream that makes me happy, with the job i love, college that i want to go to, car that i want, being with people who makes me happy. the reason why i like to live, because the future that is waiting for me.

love always

pop pop pop!

i'm starting to get sick of school. i'm really lazy about everything, and i failed all my finals, i don't look forward to this weekend. i hate trying to act not myself at school, i miss the days i was able to act like i dont give a shit everyday. after school started, i thought everything would get better, but i dont think it did; everything got worse, i don't even talk to anyone from my old school, well not that often, i am so behimd with my close friends, we can't even update ourselves because we are all so busy with our own stuff.

i try to be positive all the time, it's just i can't organize myself through all these busy things going on.
i'm going to LOVE the month of february, only four weeks of school with 4 day weekend(= i'm looking forward to that oh and clara baby's sweet sixteen party(; and dear unni's eighteenth birthday, oh shit she's old, it's such a relieve to think about what's coming up!

and february goes by fast, then it's march, month of hell, no no school days, with all the studyings for cst and highschool exit exam or whatever, that's going to kill me. still i think i have retreat that month? it's so late, makes me mad retreat when its really hot, oh well i hope i could look forward to it.
soon to be done with school, and soon to be getting my license! yayay but no car ):

Oh, i saw the news, a mother with eight twins, shit, shes like a baby popping machine pop pop pop. i cant believe i'm actually living the year with so many things happening.

i really hope everything gets better with me and people around me.

good day

it was nice talking to you again, even though it was supershort.

I'm done with my finals, and can't wait til second semester, today's tests were not that hard, only grade I'm worried about is history and chemistry which i didn't study at all and i blanked out when the test came in front of me. But oh well, it's past and i can't get it back. i had pinkberry today, finally, i was cravin pinkberry this whole week. i went to the main place mall today, didn't want to shop at all for some reason. But had good time with my mom, and she didn't even get mad at me for any reason today.
what a good day, and three days weekend without any homework.

I'm lovin my short hair, i don't even regret cutting it, weird.
I just hope second semester to be easier, I love the conservatory classes that I'm taking.

I HATE

going back to the past, looking through old pictures, thinking about old days.
it could be real fun if i think about something fun, but when i look back, most of the time im hating my life.
i found out i had so many shits around me this week,
they should go away soon, when i find something fun to think about.

finals week is this week, i only have finals for my history and spanish classes, i hate both of them. i should study my ass off and get good grades and play second semester.
and i'll have the best memories of the year, since 2009 is starting nice.

PS. it was good seeing you and talking to you today ashley (; we have to go play soon love you beb

First week of 2009,

kind of, or first week of school from break,
was not that bad i actually had fun at school and i am not really stressing out. it was weird not having camp OCHSA, going home early and having time to do my homework on tuesdays, i don't even miss my little annoying kids. i didn't really have that much homework this week, and i probably wont this whole time until the finals, yayay. i dont think my finals are that bad except history, which i need to study like hell.

well, i'm lovin my camera and can't wait til we go on field trip during photo class and take pictures! its so cool i take pictures of random things with this camera haha.

Oh, I went to dmv again on this friday, and still couldn't get my permit. I was waiting for my number to come and I only had to wait like 10 more people, which would go pretty fast, and all the sudden people told every one to evacuate from the building, and firetrucks come and took forever for them to go away. I don't even know what the fuck happened. and that took forever so i just went back home. and I need my permit to drive, and my parents like so lazy to give me a ride, i can't even go out that often now. and it's going to take forever for me to go back to dmv, and i'm thinking of just making an appointment so it makes everything faster.

I cut my hair on Saturday, its not short but its not an awkward length. i think i should cut shorter, but my mom said i'll regret it. so yeah, i need to get extensions now just in case i want my long hair back. people said i'll hate having short hair, but i acutally don't, it doesn't even look different.

I just remebered I have so much to do, since I was so lazy yesterday. Oh and we have Art show and Fashion Show this week I can't wait.

Joy

its Saturday, almost done with break. i thought my break would be so busy and fun, but i decided to stay home like a good girl, just because i didn't want to disappoint my parents and because i got my camera (: i was so close to returning it because i was really really moody and bitch to my parents last week, but everything turned out fine, and I'm being a good girl listening to my parents.

i love the camera, its just I'm so afraid of bringing it outside. or its just my parents scared that i wont take good care of the camera. its a camera, we're suppose to bring it outside to take pictures. my dad tells me that i have to practice taking pictures to get better, but he's the one not letting me bring it outside. and I'm the one who takes photography. oh well though, i will listen to my dad until he gets sick of complaining about my camera.

Thursday was new years day, my new years started pretty nice compare to last year. we celebrated new years eve and did count down at the park's house with our beloved friends, i tired to explain what we did that night to my mom, but i found out we barely did anything but be good kids and take pictures and play with a baby and watch movie. well in the morning we're all suppose to go to church even though we all tired, and i took mass with my parents, i haven't taken mass with parents in a long time, and my mom was like falling a sleep. then we went to eat at this major Chinese restaurant with this one family who speak Chinese, it was alright, not too bad. then my family and i went to the beach like what we do every year (: we went to Santa Monica this year. and we took pictures with my new camera, and we fooled around with self-timer continuous thing. people passing by were like laughing at us. i bet they were thinking "oh freaking Asian family with their camera" haha but a fun day (:

I found joy this week, even though i barely did anything. i got so many things and i found out so many things. oh i got my permit finally, i started my drivers ed last year just about this time, and now i got my permit haha what a lazy ass. and i finally watched Benjamin Button, such a good movie. i cried as usual, and i could watch it again. i learned things in that movie, somehow. (: i want to watch Marley & Me and Bedtime Stories. maybe tomorrow before break ends. i was just angry about our retreat not being on winter. i like cold retreats more cuddling. oh well i hope our spring ones good, or it better be.

i was thinking of doing my homework and working on my finals things this break like a good asian girl, but i ended up not doing anything. i haven't finished my homework yet, I'm not even sure whats my homework and whats not. ah, all nighters for today, i bet my moms going to get mad at me.

So this break was nothing just a long usual weekend with two holidays. i was a good girl and didnt go out too much, didn't do anything bad (: hope school will be fine, not too stressful. i cant wait till all these homework and finals, ugh